I had to concentrate and go through the past 17 years, event by event, to figure out where all the years had gone! What have I been doing? Where have people gone? How did I lose those people from my life?
Anymore it's so easy to find people. Check in on old friends. Find lost friends. Some people are great to find, others are better left "lost". My mind has been wandering through the past 14-15 years recently. Reminding me of the "makes me sad" losses, the "so what" losses and the "better off without you" losses. Seems there are more of the first two, but some always fall to the latter. There are relationships I look back to and wonder what could I have possibly been thinking. There are memories I wish I could erase and others I'd love to relive. Things I should be sorry for, but cherish the memory instead. People I miss dearly and others I have rediscovered. While the re-found friends may not be my "besties" like they once were, having them back is satisfying and fulfilling in a different way.
I've put my brain to wondering how intriguing it would be to get a "what if" review of life. To reinforce how blessed we all are in the life we have. To remind us that God is in control of where we are and how we got here. To remind us of why we severed some of those ties.
I am one who tends to recall the warm fuzzies more than the realities. It takes real focus and brain power to recall the unsavory details. The "oh yeah, that's why that came to an end" pieces to the story.
Do you have one of those past relationships you wish you could resurrect? A wrong you wish you could right? A "please let me explain" to get out in the open?
I've considered the question of, "If I were dying, who would get a hand-written letter?" What do I need to say to former friends? What air needs to be cleared? Encouragement and support given? Apologies extended? Truths revealed?
What do people deserve to know and when is it best to let sleeping dogs lie?
With the pending arrival of a new year's worth of memories I'm looking back, being nostalgic. Remember all the fun, the good, the wild and crazy and wonderful. Planning ways to make more of the fun, good, wild, crazy and wonderful memories for 2015.
Not too many New Years Eve's stand out. Just a few. My parents' bridge parties as a child. Clown Dog Riot and the best friends ever in college. Getting engaged on the eve of 2006 and celebrating with the majority of the wedding party.
With the snow and lack of sun and the winter blues setting in, the summertime memories take over. Girls weekends and summer nights at Sax's Pizza at Johnson Lake in the late 90's. Memorial Day weekend road trips as far West as you can get in Nebraska. Sitting on the pool table at the County Cage with my best friend in our matching "dingy girl" flip-flops. Spending all our time working at the pool and riding in the convertible, top-down, singing with Kenny.
The little things that groups do that nobody else understands. I still tend to drink my beer with my non-dominant hand as a result of years of training in college from friends I miss.
I hear of the successes of those college friends and love knowing they did as well as I knew they could and would. Their full potential realized. Their skills put to use and proving to the world they are more amazing than anyone ever believed. Putting the past behind them, growing into their abilities and kicking butt in the real world. Being amazing.
I love all those memories and the people God blessed me with during those times. Sometimes I miss them, but I realize I couldn't be in the life I have now without leaving them behind.
Cheers to the past.
Cheers to the losses and gains.
Cheers to those who helped us down the path of life and gave us memories to carry into the future.
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