Resolutions Smesolutions

Here we go with the New Year's Resolutions Nonsense. I'm not one for resolutions or the "giving up" of things. I like what I like when I like it. I gave up the gym over 18 months ago in favor of investing in a few tough and effective workouts I can do at home. There's diversity and flexibility. I can do whatever workout I want whenever I want. Just like I like it. 

I kicked off my at-home workouts in May of 2013 with Les Mills Combat (LMC). I was impressed with the changes I saw and felt. LOVE!  
Then I wanted some diversity so I dug deep and took on ChaLean Extreme (CLX) and found some serious definition in my legs and arms! LOVE! 
Then I tried T25. No offense to Shaun T, but that isn't the workout for me. While the lickety-split, 25 minutes and done pace was awesome, all the jumping caused me knee pain that plagued me throughout and I finally called it quits. DISLIKE 
This last summer 21 Day Fix came on the market and I jumped that bandwagon before it was a bandwagon. Again, LOVE! 
PiYo was a borrowed workout from a girlfriend and one I highly recommend for anyone looking for low-impact with high intensity. (Seems like an oxymoron doesn't it!?) The flexibility I gained from just a few weeks of PiYo was amazing. LOVE! 

So where am I now? I hit a low after my sister-in-law's wedding in October. I was hitting it hard and doing great until the day before the wedding...

After the wedding, well, I took a little break. And that little break made me lazy. Workouts dropped from 5-6 days/week to 3-4 days/week. Around Thanksgiving I got even lazier and workouts became 2 days/week. As of yesterday I had done one workout in three weeks. What's the point? Why suffer through that one workout for what boils down to no point at all? Because it was driving me nuts to not work out. I could feel it in my muscles and my mind. Everything was suffering. That one workout a few days before Christmas did me a ton of good mentally.

The winter blues have set in and I can't seem to get out of the "funk" I've been in. The funk has been keeping me from my own home gym. Down the stairs. In my basement. 30 seconds away. They (I don't know who "they" are yet) say that if you live more than 10 minutes away from your gym you won't go. I agree. I also think if you have the "funk" I have you won't workout even if you live in your gym! For weeks I would dress in my workout clothes first thing in the AM with every intention of kicking ass during my workout that day... only to change out of workout clothes and into my pj's at night with not so much as a bead of sweat on my dri-fit. 

Today I looked up an old friend. Chalene Johnson and her CLX workout that I love so, so, so much. 

This time around I'm going to focus on upping my weights again. I have to start slow and be careful with "wimpy" as I call my left wrist, but upping the weights is the only way to make progress. I'm mentally preparing for the increase in appetite I'll see with the workouts and looking forward to breaking out the shorts when spring arrives March 1st. (I'm an optimist... remember 2013?) 


Tonight my bestie and I chatted about motivation. She's motivated by a trip to Vegas in February. (A trip I hope to get to go on too!) I'm motivated by shorts weather, past compliments on my legs after a great round of CLX and a 20 year reunion in June. 

I typed up my workout chart complete with meal and water tracking and workout accountability. I have kids who love it when I work out. "Do another one, mommy!" And I have a lineup of killer supplemental workouts on my shelf. Some LMC for the days I want to kick and punch, some yoga when I need to recharge and some rewards for myself along the way! 

I have a goal and a plan to get there. I have the means and sporadically I have the motivation. What I need is to remember to take it one day, one workout, at a time. To keep on the path that keeps me feeling good. The sun will shine again someday and the motivation will be easier to find each morning. Until that day, here's to digging deep and keeping after that goal.

Cheers...

I'm 37 and beginning to recognize (and despise) how quickly time passes. I was lying in bed the other night thinking about something, thinking "that was just a couple of years ago"... then I did the math. 10 years had passed. How has it been 10 years? How is Ella 6? How is Cassius 4? How has it been 20 years since my high school graduation? 

I had to concentrate and go through the past 17 years, event by event, to figure out where all the years had gone! What have I been doing? Where have people gone? How did I lose those people from my life? 

Anymore it's so easy to find people. Check in on old friends. Find lost friends. Some people are great to find, others are better left "lost". My mind has been wandering through the past 14-15 years recently. Reminding me of the "makes me sad" losses, the "so what" losses and the "better off without you" losses. Seems there are more of the first two, but some always fall to the latter. There are relationships I look back to and wonder what could I have possibly been thinking. There are memories I wish I could erase and others I'd love to relive. Things I should be sorry for, but cherish the memory instead. People I miss dearly and others I have rediscovered. While the re-found friends may not be my "besties" like they once were, having them back is satisfying and fulfilling in a different way. 

I've put my brain to wondering how intriguing it would be to get a "what if" review of life. To reinforce how blessed we all are in the life we have. To remind us that God is in control of where we are and how we got here. To remind us of why we severed some of those ties.

I am one who tends to recall the warm fuzzies more than the realities. It takes real focus and brain power to recall the unsavory details. The "oh yeah, that's why that came to an end" pieces to the story. 

Do you have one of those past relationships you wish you could resurrect? A wrong you wish you could right? A "please let me explain" to get out in the open? 

I've considered the question of, "If I were dying, who would get a hand-written letter?" What do I need to say to former friends? What air needs to be cleared? Encouragement and support given? Apologies extended? Truths revealed? 

What do people deserve to know and when is it best to let sleeping dogs lie? 

With the pending arrival of a new year's worth of memories I'm looking back, being nostalgic. Remember all the fun, the good, the wild and crazy and wonderful. Planning ways to make more of the fun, good, wild, crazy and wonderful memories for 2015. 

Not too many New Years Eve's stand out. Just a few. My parents' bridge parties as a child. Clown Dog Riot and the best friends ever in college. Getting engaged on the eve of 2006 and celebrating with the majority of the wedding party. 

With the snow and lack of sun and the winter blues setting in, the summertime memories take over. Girls weekends and summer nights at Sax's Pizza at Johnson Lake in the late 90's. Memorial Day weekend road trips as far West as you can get in Nebraska. Sitting on the pool table at the County Cage with my best friend in our matching "dingy girl" flip-flops. Spending all our time working at the pool and riding in the convertible, top-down, singing with Kenny. 


The little things that groups do that nobody else understands. I still tend to drink my beer with my non-dominant hand as a result of years of training in college from friends I miss. 

I hear of the successes of those college friends and love knowing they did as well as I knew they could and would. Their full potential realized. Their skills put to use and proving to the world they are more amazing than anyone ever believed. Putting the past behind them, growing into their abilities and kicking butt in the real world. Being amazing.

I love all those memories and the people God blessed me with during those times. Sometimes I miss them, but I realize I couldn't be in the life I have now without leaving them behind. 

Cheers to the past. 
Cheers to the losses and gains. 
Cheers to those who helped us down the path of life and gave us memories to carry into the future.

Find Your Happy

This post was originally published on Her View from Home in November, 2014. Enjoy! 

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A change. That's what I needed. Things weren't working. For me, as a mom. Change was in order. Easy said... not so easy done.

I look back on the notes in my devotional from a few years back and become increasingly grateful for the encouragement I got that year. For the motivation to change. For the continued changes in all aspects of my life that have come about as a result of one single change for the better.

A few years back, around this same time of year, I joined a bible study at church with a fabulous group of women. We were a diverse group. New mommas with littles upstairs in the nursery.  Mid-process mommas with tweens and teens and college kids. Experiences mommas with grands and great-grands to cuddle and snuggle, spoil and send back to their young mommas. The perfect mix. And we did a devotional that would open up all of our eyes to our lives and how we were living out this gift God blessed us with when he chose to put us on this earth. 

I knew I was a wreck, but I didn't know it. Ya know? I thought I was doing all the right things, being involved at church. Staying home with the kiddos, who at the time were three and almost one. "Aha!" you say. THAT stage in life. Yes. THAT stage. Get out and go join a moms group! Join another at church! Do playdates! Do all that you can to engage yourself in mom-culture while stimulating the social side of your children! 

But doing all that I could was undoing me. And some of the "relationships" I was in were undoing me.

In the course of that Bible study I realized I wasn't getting what I wanted from my groups and interactions. 
I wanted something more. 
I needed more. 
I deserved more. 
Before you get all judgy on me, think about this. We all want, need and deserve things. Being deserving of something to fill your cup isn't being selfish. By filling your own cup, you can fill to overflowing the cups of others! 

As we studied more, I realized I didn't just want, need and deserve more. I was motivated to do something about it. Now that's something. When you hit the point where wishing and hoping turns into planning and doing. I said it out loud in that Bible study. I said I wanted to start a study group for moms. Focused on moms and digging deep. Getting into stuff. All the stuff. Fun stuff, messy stuff, sad and lonely and tired and scared stuff. "Nobody knows this but I need to get it out" kind of stuff. But it had to be a safe place. A friendly place. A non-judgy place. 

That was the start. The first step. I pushed back from the other commitments and said "no, thank you". Then I called on my supportive and motivating friends to help me out. I needed help to make it work and I knew that. Getting help isn't my strong suit, ya'll. So again, that was big. I guess it became a year of bigs for me. 
Big realization. 
big motivation.
big growth.
big change. 

As I now lead my Tuesday Morning Book Study Group (Intended for the Female Parental Persuasion) in the study of that very devotional that led me to where I am today I read the notes from a few years ago. And I realize the change. I'd forgotten where I was and how I was feeling then. I was worn out in so many ways. I was downtrodden and lifeless. Tired. Weak. Not me. 

Today I make new notes in that devotional notebook. Some of the notes are the same... I mean I am still a version of that person. I couldn't change ALL of me, for heaven's sake!! But I make notes that tell me I'm finally in the early stages of that good place we all want to find ourselves in someday, somehow. 

I'm leading my dream church-based book study. The ladies described it a while back as crazy, sweet, supportive, strong, beautiful, spirit-filled, encouraging, open, honest, positive, refreshing, affirming, inclusive and uplifting. If that isn't a wonderful description of a group of women, I don't know what is.

Each new member of the group gets a welcome letter on her first day. This paragraph explains it best: 

Not only do we study the selected book each semester, but we develop deep, meaningful relationships with each other. We laugh together, cry together and most importantly we pray together and for each other. We bring our hearts, souls and minds to this group and bare them wide open to the group for support and understanding.

 Then they sign this:

I, ____________________, come into this group with the full intention of sharing with, caring for, loving and supporting my fellow sisters in Christ. I will maintain the integrity of the group and allow myself to be wrapped in the loving arms of my sisters without fear or concern.

  
How awesome is that? 

The change that I made by putting the "other stuff" to rest and starting my own thing, to fill my cup and others all at the same sitting has led to more and more and more goodness in my life. More things that make me happy and strong and good. 

I started to focus on my physical well-being and I love that part of my life now. Nearly every day of the week I do a workout that pushes my limits of physical and mental strength. And I am happy.

Recently I started writing again. For the first time since college. There are no words to describe how it makes me feel to put fingers to keyboard again. To let the words and thoughts flow and the imagination to work. I'm loving it so very, very much. I'm thankful for the gift God has blessed me with. And I'm happy. 

Today the notes I put in my devotional workbook are more positive. I'm learning to focus on the necessary and the good and the positive for my life. To cut out the rest. To do the things that fill my cup so I can fill the cups of others. And I'm happy. 

Find your happy.
Realize.
Motivate.
Grow.
Change.
Find your happy.

Christmas Goodie Gluttony

Ya'll learned how much I love food right around Thanksgiving. Now I've moved on to Christmas goodies in all their gluttonous glory! 

Channeling my inner Buddy the Elf... "I just like to bake! Baking's the BEST!" For those who actually know me know how much I like to bake. My love for baking comes in a very close second to my love for eating. And without one, what is the other? 

Nihility. 
Nought. 
Diddly Squat & a Big Fat Goose Egg. 

Mom Noffke taught me all I needed to know about cooking/baking. Betty's best advice? "Recipes are guidelines, not rules. Of course quantities of key ingredients like flour, baking soda, etc in baked goods really are rules." Seriously. However, (there's always an exception to the rule) learning to substitute is so freeing! Try it. My friend Marsha taught me to cut the flour by 1/4 C and add 1.5 C oatmeal to my chocolate chip cookie recipe. You'll never go back. Honestly. 

With those hard and fast rules and all their exceptions in mind, here are all of my favorite Christmas-time treats. I've broken them down into categories, which will probably really do nothing for you aside from possibly entertain. 

Nibble & Munch = Make a Bunch! 

This is the stuff you just snack on. 
Continuously. All day week month holiday season. 

#1. "Party Mix"  
This recipe is compliments of one great, class-act and super-fun lady. Heather A. knows how to throw a party and make a kick-booty party mix to go with it. Here's her recipe (do I need to mention I made changes?) that we adore! 

1 box Wheat Chex
1 box Corn Chex (She would use Cheerios)
1 box Rice Chex
3/4 bag pretzels (sticks, rounds, choose your poison on the shape, ya'll)
Peanuts (again, your call on the quantity) (Heather would also put in mixed nuts... she's a nutty gal)
2 C melted oleo (butter for you city folk)
2 T. Worchestershire (If you're critiquing my spelling I'm critiquing your pronunciation) 
2 tsp. garlic salt
2 tsp. chili powder
(Heather now adds 2 tsp Tabasco... I'm yet to be that brave) 

Pour the cereal/pretzels/nuts in a giant roaster pan (or buy a few disposable ones if you don't own one) and pour the liquid mixture (everything else on the list all mixed together) over the top, stirring as your pour to evenly coat. 
Bake at 225* for 1.5 hours stirring every 30 minutes. 

#2. "Nebraska Crack"  
I'd never heard it called that until I brought it to an event... the name stuck because it's so darned true! For those offended by the name, you can call it Caramel Crispix. I promise not to be offended. (But once you try it and can't stop eating it, you'll get it.)

2 sticks oleo (again, that's butter)
2 C. Brown Sugar (light or dark, we don't discriminate)

1/2 C corn syrup
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
17.9 oz box of Crispix
Peanuts or pretzels... whatever your little heart desires. 

Put margarine, sugar and syrup in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil over MEDIUM heat and boil 1.5 min. (Stir it while it boils, please) Remove from heat and add baking soda and vanilla. (It's about to get frothy, mind you.) 
Put the dry ingredients in a brown paper bag. Fold top of bag over to "close" it and microwave on high for 4 minutes. Shaking bag to "stir" every minute. Spread on waxed paper or a cookie sheet to cool. Break apart and eat. Forget the airtight container to store it in... it'll never make it that far or last that long. 

#3 "Chocolate Popcorn"  
Growing up I had a friend who's mom would make us chocolate popcorn when we had sleepovers. Lois is the best. Who wouldn't love someone who put chocolate on popcorn? 

8 Cups popped popcorn (I do 16 cups and double everything else too... Go big or go home.)
1/2 C sugar
1/2 C Light Corn Syrup
1/2 Stick Butter
2 T cocoa
1/2 tsp salt

Boil all except the popcorn. Pour liquid over the popcorn in a large heat-safe bowl. (I use a fix-n-mix bowl sprayed with a little cooking oil). Stir to coat evenly. Spread on a cookie sheet or waxed paper to cool OR make into balls. 

The Hubs' Loves! 

They (who are "they"?) say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. This recipe is the fastest way there for my hubby. Thanks to Erin, Brian enjoys this recipe on special occasions. I think it ties with Erin's mom's recipe for Carrot Cake. 

"Erin's Homemade Oreos" 
 Since the recipe came from her kitchen, the recipe card in mine bears her name in the title!

2 boxes Devil's Food Cake Mix 
1.5 sticks butter
4 eggs
*Geri's cream cheese frosting (see recipe below) 

Mix ingredients except frosting. Make into balls and flatten with a glass dipped in sugar. 
Bake at 350* for 8-10 minutes. Cool on a rack.

When cool, scoop, dollop or plop cream cheese frosting on the bottom of one cookie and top with a second cookie... you know, like an oreo. 

"Geri's Cream Cheese Frosting" This is the best frosting recipe you'll ever taste. Put it on everything. Cake, cinnamon rolls, homemade oreos...

8 Oz cream cheese (get the real stuff, don't skimp on this one.) Softened
1/2 C butter (softened)
1/2 bag powdered sugar (give or take)***
splash of vanilla (I'm not one to measure my vanilla... go with about 1 tsp if you're a control freak that way.)
Ok. This takes finesse to keep from coating your walls with a fine dusting of pwd sugar. Beat the butter and cream cheese first until they are creamy.  Gradually add the powdered sugar in small increments (like 1/4 cup) and add your vanilla whenever the mood strikes. Just don't leave it out. 

***Test your consistency and stop adding pwd sugar when the frosting is the way you want it. It all depends on how humid the weather is and what you are using the frosting for. If I'm decorating a cake and piping it on, I like it nice and stiff. For oreos it doesn't need to be so "sturdy"! 

Gluttonous Greats!

In this, the Pièce de résistance of this post, I share with you three of my weaknesses. The desserts that will bring me to tears. Some for sentimental reasons, others for the sheer joy and pleasure of indulging in their fantabulousness. Yes. Fantabulousness. Add it to your vocab list for the week.

Please note, these are in no particular order. 

"Chocolate Cream Pie"  
There's no need to put a fancy title to this one. It's simple, unadulterated amazingness. It's todiefor and if you dare say to me "This is good, honey. But wouldn't it be easier to make chocolate pudding and put it in a crust?" You will learn another meaning for todiefor. 

This is a labor of love. A delicacy that the best dessert-maker feels deep in her heart. (And her loins if she skips her workouts.)  

I can't stress this enough. Love. Amore. Rapture. Just make it. You can thank me later. 

1 baked pie crust 
***
4 large egg yolks, slightly beaten
1.5 C Sugar
1/4 C Cornstarch  
1/2 tsp. Salt
3 C Milk
2 oz. unsweetened chocolate, cut up into small pieces
2 tsp vanilla

Whipped Cream Topping

1. Bake pie crust and set aside to cool
2. Beat egg yolks w/ fork in small bowl
3. Mix sugar, cornstarch and salt in a 2 qt saucepan
4. Gradually stir in milk, add chocolate and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and boils. Boil and stir one minute. 
5. Immediately (and slowly) stir 1/2 the mixture into the egg yolks, then stir that back into the hot mixture in the saucepan. (Do NOT skip this step by pouring the eggs right into the hot mixture. You'll end up with scrambled eggs in your pie. Google "tempering eggs" if you want more information.)  
6. Boil and stir one minute
7. Remove from heat
8. Stir in vanilla
9. Pour into pie shell and press plastic wrap onto the filling, sealing it all the way to the edges
10. Refrigerate 2 hours until set
11. Remove plastic wrap (duh) and top with whipped topping prior to serving. If you want to get fancy, shave chocolate onto the top! 

Refrigerate any leftov... what am I saying? Leftovers???? Doubtful. 

"Swedish Butter Balls" 
I remember these from when I was little, and while the Swedish part is questionable, the butter part is confirmed. I've seen them called Mexican Wedding Cookies too. Whatever you call them, call them heavenly! Melt in your mouth kind of heavenly. But don't inhale when you take a bite. You'll choke on the powdered sugar coating and curse me.  

1 C softened butter
1/2 C pwd sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 C flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 C finely chopped pecans (can omit)
Additional pwd sugar for coating

Cream butter, sugar and vanilla. Measure flour, add salt and stir to blend. Add dry ingredients and nuts to creamed mixture and mix well. 

Shape into 1" balls. Bake 10-12 minutes at 400*

Roll in pwd sugar while still slightly warm. Cool on racks and roll again when cool.  

"Grandma's Drop Sugar Cookies" 
This recipe is my favorite for sugar cookies. My brother's too I know. 100% for sure. I made the mistake of taking him a few once, failing to explain there was only one layer, nothing under the stacking tray. Needless to say his family didn't benefit from my baked-goods gift on that one occasion. Oops. 

1 C butter
1 C cooking Oil
1 C sugar
1 C pwd Sugar
(I know... sugar, sugar, sugar...) 
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cream of tartar (don't skip it)
1 tsp baking soda
1/3 tsp salt
4 1/4 C flour (a bit more if rolling and cutting)

Cream first four ingredients. Beat eggs and add vanilla. Add to first mixture. Add dry ingredients. Let set 2 hours in fridge if rolling out and using cookie cutters. 

If doing "drop" style cookies, roll into balls and flatten with glass dipped in sugar. 

Bake 10-12 minutes at 350* 

If you can get super-cute helpers, all the better!!!

  

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That's my holiday plan. I'll be making it, taking it, giving it away, eating it and then trying to work it off... and that's another post to get you (and myself) re-motivated and back on the workout wagon again! 

Holiday Blessings to you all! 

-Kristin

Winning at Losing

I readily admit this is a bummer of a posting, but it's real and honest and something to which I'm certain most honest women can relate. 

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Between being a mom and being a wife, I'm winning at losing. If there aren't unwashed, unfolded, unironed clothes and unwashed, unputaway dishes, there are unplayed games, unread books and unwatched lookatme's. It makes me feel a lot of feels. Sad. Disappointed. Disappointing. That's the one. Disappointing. I'm certain I'm disappointing everyone on a daily basis. That makes me a winner at losing. See me being positive? 

I know you know exactly what I'm saying to you. If you're a mom and/or wife you feel it too. The sink and the laundry hampers get to overflowing while the games are being played and books are being read. Then the kids get "neglected" while the shirts get ironed and the floors get vacuumed. The hubs' co-workers have to fix his shirt collar when we walks into work because the wife didn't pay enough attention when he left that morning. The daughter's backpack didn't get unpacked and looked at until before school this morning and the snowflakes we were going to make last night are on the table... still full sheets of paper resting next to scissors and good intentions. 

I feel bad when I go to bed at night and think of all these things. I spent endless minutes and sometimes hours before going to sleep thinking of all the ways I failed that day and how tomorrow is another new shot at redemption and a chance at being a good parent for a day. I plan to play games, bake cookies, read stories, color pictures, do crafts and be a good mom. A mom whose sole focus for that day is kids. No laundry, no dishes, no vacuuming, no grocery shopping, no... No. No. NOTHING but kids. And I fail again. The best laid plans...

Do you know when I feel the worst? This is so odd to me... on the weekends. When the hubs is home. Home playing with the kids while I'm accomplishing the cleaning and washing and ironing and putting awaying. And I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty that I didn't get it done before the weekend. I feel bad that he works hard all week and then can't get 10 minutes to himself on the weekend. I know he loves it. I hear the giggles from the basement as I scrub the kitchen floor and clean up empty glasses of milk from all over the house. I also know he'd love a few hours to just do "his thing" on the weekends.

Again, I feel guilty and disappointing.

So I pick up and tidy up and clean and wash and launder and so on and then I lay down and once again wonder where the day went and how I didn't spend time with the kids. Sure, I helped Ella put together a Lego set and played Cassius' new game with him a few hundred times. But beyond that, I didn't spend much time with them, did I? And when they were in the same room I was nagging at them to put away their shoes, throw away their trash, clean up their messes and wash their hands. 

And tonight when I go to bed I'll think again about all the things I should be doing with my family. 
-Writing in the kids' journals on a regular basis. (More often than every six months.)
-Writing in the hubs' journal on a regular basis. (More regularly than every year.)
-Practicing school activities with both kids.
-Reading books
-Being a good parent by listening and interacting and using the fruits of the spirit: 
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-Control. 
 Whew! Those are numerous, aren't they? 

So I'm going to make a plan for myself. A plan unlike all my other plans from the past. One that balances the household duties with what should be the joys of parenthood. A plan I can employ with regularity until it becomes second nature. A plan that leaves me and my family fulfilled. 

Love - Love them fully and unconditionally. Have compassion and give grace.
Joy - Be more joyous. Avoid anger, frustration, disappointment and sadness by being conscious of my words before speaking them. Be joy-filled. 
Peace - Be a peace maker and a peace keeper. An example of peace.
Patience - Have some. Incorporate it daily. Be aware of its value and necessity. Be mindful of its positive impact. (Lord, grant me extra help with this one, and no, not in the way where you offer me opportunities to use it.)
Kindness - Use kind words. Display kindness through my words and actions.
Goodness - Be good. Good to my family and good to myself. Get those workouts done and the healthy foods eaten. Be good to my family by following all of these accompanying "fruits".
Gentleness - Gentle words. Gentle voice. Gentle touch. I'm going to throw compassion in with this one for good measure.
Faithfulness - Displaying my faithfulness more readily for my family. Personally I'll be better at daily interactions with the Lord, be they devotions, meditations or prayers.
Self-Control - Control over my thoughts, words and actions. From responses to irritating events to the foods I put in my mouth. Self-control will be a struggle for this momma.

So while I'm planning to become a less disappointing self, I'm being realistic too. I'm realizing I'm a bit harder on myself than anyone else is. Nobody else seems to mind the unwashed dishes or the unfolded clothes. They are happy to dress each morning out of a laundry basket. They are happy to have me. And every once in a while they let me know it...

"You are the best. You are awesome. Love Ella"

That's when I feel all the feels that are good. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness... and I know that I'm winning for sure.