Screen Door Discussions

Almost daily I have a quick, 30 second to two minute "screen door discussion" with my friend A.B. Great advice, concerns and major insights happen once in a while. Most often though we just have a good laugh over something trivial, but you know what? That quick little chat gets my day off to a great start. Yes, the smooch from my hubs gets me going in the morning too... but I'm barely awake for that. By 8 AM pickup I'm awake enough to have an "outfit" on for the day and maybe even a bowl of steel cut oats in my belly. This morning's topic? Rogue sippy cups.

I know! Every mom just groaned and thought about that long-lost sippy found molding under the backseat in the van last summer on the 13th day of hotter-than-hot hotness. We've had a few of those roll around our vehicles, but the worst? The absolute most disgusting, get out the rubber gloves and a clothespin for your nose kind of gross came last summer. My daughter's room had a stench I just couldn't quite identify. Vomit? Not quite. Urine? No. Molding crackers? No. Spoiled rotten milk? Absolutely!... but WHERE????

For over a week I cleaned, sanitized, vacuumed, reorganized, sanitized again and tore apart her room. Nothing. Until...

"Mom!!! Look what I found!! I found the bag I packed to have a sleepover with Ella in her room?"

"Mmmhhhmmm. That's nice."

"No! Look! I found it! And my pajamas are in there and my sippy cup!!!"

"Mmmmhhhmmm... ok.... wait, WHAT??? What sippy cup? Let me.... OMG, nevermind... I can smell it from here..."

Whoop! There it is!

And the smell in her room dissipated almost immediately. However the Skip-Hop backpack, brand-new pajamas and undies that actually fit and the sippy cup were a total loss. Permanently. I tried washing the clothes, but after three rounds in the ol' Whirlpool Duet I gave in and tossed them in the trash... in the garage. Uck. Blech. and Eeesh.

So that morning as A.B. commented that she spied a rogue sippy cup in her back seat, she wasn't worried about it. Weeks of sub-zero temps have kept that milk nice and fresh. Drinkable likely. Isn't winter wonderful?

And once again that "screen" door conversation gave me a new perspective on winter. It's singular redeeming quality found rolling around in the back seat of the morning carpool.

It's Everyone's Tree

"You are going to be so proud of me today, momma!"  
"I'm sure I will be, honey. What did you do?" 
"The big kids told us we couldn't play under the tree because we were little kids. And I told them it's everyone's tree, we can play here if we want!" 

Well, there ya go. Proud momma moment. She even let me know that those big kids left. Didn't even want to play under the tree anymore. 
Way to go, kid. I AM proud. SO proud.

We've had chats about bullies. Kindergarten and preschool-level chats.

• Be nice to everyone.
• Include everyone.
• If someone is being mean to someone, tell them to be nice and include that kid being picked on. 
• Look for kids that are lonely and be their friend. 

And another big set of guidelines...

• Stand up for yourself. From the get-go. Don't get bullied even one time. 
• When someone is mean to you don't let them get away with it, not even once. 
• Stand up for yourself, but no hitting, kicking, etc. 
• Tell a teacher/adult immediately. 
• Stand up for yourself and others.

(It sounds redundant, right? That's ok. The more ways she hears it the more likely she'll be to remember it!) 

She's at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole right now. Kindergarten. Little kid. Easytobullygrader. 

My girl doesn't always exude confidence. She's timid. She's quiet, shy, apprehensive, fearful... a prime target for bullies. 

But some days that kid of mine, some days, she's a real tough cookie. 

Don't mess with this one. Don't try to take away her tree. She plays with her friends there and you can't tell her otherwise. So scram, big bullies... my girl won't stand for it. And don't try to bully her friends either, because her momma taught her to stand up for herself AND her friends. 

Know what else her momma has taught her? To be a friend. To everyone. Because her momma is scared too. This sweet little girl's momma is afraid that someday her little girl will be one of the mean girls. And being a mean girl means living with that forever. 

I wasn't one, but I knew some. I know some who were and who regret it. They realize as adults how horrible and degrading they were. How rough that person's life already was without their insults and comments and exclusion added to the mix. They have to live with that forever. I want the choice that Ella makes, that she has to live with for the rest of her life, to be the choice to be a friend. Compliment, include, care.

Maybe that should be our new mantra about bullying. 
Compliment, include, care. 
Because you know who else needs compliments and inclusion and caring? The bullies. Bullies are mean kids. Why are they mean kids? Someone has been mean to them. Maybe they don't know how to handle social situations. Maybe they are bullied at home. Maybe they just want friends but don't know how to make them. Maybe they need someone to stand up to them and be their friend. To include them. To care. 

Remember how I said I am a scared momma? I'm not just scared about what choices Ella will make, I'm worried about the other kids too. I'm worried about the kids that are so picked on and crushed in spirit and beaten down that they take it out on their classmates when they get older.

I'm worried about the kids who are so picked on and crushed in spirit and beaten down that they hate themselves and they take it out on themselves when they get older. I've known some of them. 

I'm worried that as kids get cell phones and ipods and gaming systems that they forget how to be a true friend. How to care and listen, give support and be a real and true friend. Through thick and thin. Through differences of opinion and interests. Through distance and time. Real and true friends are hard to come by. I'm worried that kids will become so engrossed in their devices and themselves that they won't even notice the kid that just needs a smile. A friendly wave. An acknowledgement of their existence. I'm worried about that kid that needs someone. Anyone. 

"So what is Ella's next lesson?" you ask. Well, her next lesson is going to be to share that tree. Don't run the bullies off. Her answer was spot-on for her first bullying experience. "It's everyone's tree, we can play here if we want to." Next time, I'll teach her to add, "So let's all play under the tree together." 


Because It's Everyone's Tree.