Stepping Back

Sometimes we have to step back a bit to see the whole picture. To see what others see.

A few weeks back I sat in my Wednesday morning bible/book study listening to every member's "hopes". Hopes for their children, their marriages and their life paths.

"I hope we have instilled the proper values in our son so that when he goes to high school next fall he can handle the difficult issues that will come his way."

"I hope that I have a marriage that will stand the test of time and we will forever be in love. That we will someday celebrate our 56th wedding anniversary."

"I hope that my children realize their passions and share them with us. And that we, in turn, encourage, nourish, develop and stand next to them in those dreams."

"I hope that the surgery was successful and my spouse can live a life without chronic, constant pain."

"I hope that I can hear God speak to me about the path I should be on. The path where my work-life and home-life balance should settle."

"I hope my husband makes a career move that will bring him joy and happiness."

"I hope that tonight bedtime won't be a battle... again."

We all have hopes and dreams and desires and wishes. We wish upon birthday candles and shooting stars. But all of our wishing is nothing without faith in God. Without the trust that he is guiding our paths perfectly.

I've written about this group of women in the past. These women who are so full of hopes and fears for themselves and others. This group who meets weekly in the basement of the church, sharing brunch, prayer requests and discussions of our selected book. This group whom I sometimes think I'm done leading. Then they come to me with their hearts in their hands. They tell me what I need to hear first-hand. What I need to know to continue on that path that God is guiding me down.

One year ago I made the announcement, "I'm done." I was done leading book study. Attendance was low, enthusiasm seemed to be waning (mine and theirs) and I was tapped out. Summer came and I relaxed, enjoyed the lake and sunshine and prepared for a fall semester without my weekly group. And I was both relieved, excited and sad. Then the messages started to come in. Emails, PM's, texts, phone calls... "please come back..." "please do another semester..." "Please, please, please..." so I went back. And it was once again amazing.

15 (+/-) women.
Three of whom are members of the church we meet in.
Catholics, Baptists, Lutherans, non-denominational, no-denomination.
The solid-in-faith and the confused.
The life-long believer and the scared.
The looking-for-answers and a place to fit in.
Together we are all those things.

Prayer requests you wouldn't believe could all be carried by one group of women. Cancer. More cancer. And even more. Life with kids. Car accidents with long-term effects. School pickup drama. Surgeries. Chronic pain issues. Crazy family members. Marriage issues. Deaths. Infant deaths. Cancer again and again. Over and over. This group has been through it all, known those going through it all and has prayed and prayed and prayed over all those things week in and week out. Prayer requests are central to our meetings. They bind us through our openness. Through our raw emotions, tears, laughter, joy, sorrow, fear and praise.

But sometimes I forget. Sometimes I don't realize how much those moments mean to everyone each week. Sometimes I get tired and cranky and need a break. I can see summer coming around the corner and I'm ready for it. And I think I'm done. I'm tapped out. Again.

But this time I knew better. This time I asked these fascinating ladies to bare their hearts again. To write me a note. Not about me personally but about the group. About what it means to them. About why this group should come back in the fall. The response?

"This group is one of the greatest blessings in my life."

"The bond that I have made with the women in this group has been life-changing. It has been an incredible light to my life."

"...you all have been my saving grace this year. It's an answer to my prayers."

"My faith has grown stronger because of this group."

"It (the group) has made me more comfortable to share my faith with other people."

"This group makes me laugh, cry, feel my faith, think and grow spiritually."

"This group has really made my transition here so easy."

"This group has been a life-saver. It is so nice to have people to share my prayer requests or worries with and ask advice without judgement."

"I was in a funk this morning and coming here always helps get me out."

"I enjoy learning about faith, knowing that I am not the only one with doubts, and having others to relate to."

Prior to these notes you would think the knowledge that one of our pastor-visit sessions led to the baptism of a baby and the consideration of baptism for one of our ladies would be enough to seal the deal for me this year. But I needed more. I needed the notes. I needed the knowledge that there was a difference being made in those individual lives. That there was a void being filled and a desire to grow in faith.

This group doesn't need me, I'm just a facilitator. What they need is the entire group. We are a package deal. We come as a whole, with spaces for more hearts and minds and bodies to join us any day they are so moved. Ladies that have an empty spot in their hearts that can't be filled without help.

I needed to step back and see the whole picture.

The picture God has painted of my path he has planned for me. It took tears and heart-felt words from a dear friend, "God is working through you! He has this planned for you!" and notes from my ladies for me to realize the significance of the role God placed me in for this season of life.

I just needed to step back and look.