It's Everyone's Tree

"You are going to be so proud of me today, momma!"  
"I'm sure I will be, honey. What did you do?" 
"The big kids told us we couldn't play under the tree because we were little kids. And I told them it's everyone's tree, we can play here if we want!" 

Well, there ya go. Proud momma moment. She even let me know that those big kids left. Didn't even want to play under the tree anymore. 
Way to go, kid. I AM proud. SO proud.

We've had chats about bullies. Kindergarten and preschool-level chats.

• Be nice to everyone.
• Include everyone.
• If someone is being mean to someone, tell them to be nice and include that kid being picked on. 
• Look for kids that are lonely and be their friend. 

And another big set of guidelines...

• Stand up for yourself. From the get-go. Don't get bullied even one time. 
• When someone is mean to you don't let them get away with it, not even once. 
• Stand up for yourself, but no hitting, kicking, etc. 
• Tell a teacher/adult immediately. 
• Stand up for yourself and others.

(It sounds redundant, right? That's ok. The more ways she hears it the more likely she'll be to remember it!) 

She's at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole right now. Kindergarten. Little kid. Easytobullygrader. 

My girl doesn't always exude confidence. She's timid. She's quiet, shy, apprehensive, fearful... a prime target for bullies. 

But some days that kid of mine, some days, she's a real tough cookie. 

Don't mess with this one. Don't try to take away her tree. She plays with her friends there and you can't tell her otherwise. So scram, big bullies... my girl won't stand for it. And don't try to bully her friends either, because her momma taught her to stand up for herself AND her friends. 

Know what else her momma has taught her? To be a friend. To everyone. Because her momma is scared too. This sweet little girl's momma is afraid that someday her little girl will be one of the mean girls. And being a mean girl means living with that forever. 

I wasn't one, but I knew some. I know some who were and who regret it. They realize as adults how horrible and degrading they were. How rough that person's life already was without their insults and comments and exclusion added to the mix. They have to live with that forever. I want the choice that Ella makes, that she has to live with for the rest of her life, to be the choice to be a friend. Compliment, include, care.

Maybe that should be our new mantra about bullying. 
Compliment, include, care. 
Because you know who else needs compliments and inclusion and caring? The bullies. Bullies are mean kids. Why are they mean kids? Someone has been mean to them. Maybe they don't know how to handle social situations. Maybe they are bullied at home. Maybe they just want friends but don't know how to make them. Maybe they need someone to stand up to them and be their friend. To include them. To care. 

Remember how I said I am a scared momma? I'm not just scared about what choices Ella will make, I'm worried about the other kids too. I'm worried about the kids that are so picked on and crushed in spirit and beaten down that they take it out on their classmates when they get older.

I'm worried about the kids who are so picked on and crushed in spirit and beaten down that they hate themselves and they take it out on themselves when they get older. I've known some of them. 

I'm worried that as kids get cell phones and ipods and gaming systems that they forget how to be a true friend. How to care and listen, give support and be a real and true friend. Through thick and thin. Through differences of opinion and interests. Through distance and time. Real and true friends are hard to come by. I'm worried that kids will become so engrossed in their devices and themselves that they won't even notice the kid that just needs a smile. A friendly wave. An acknowledgement of their existence. I'm worried about that kid that needs someone. Anyone. 

"So what is Ella's next lesson?" you ask. Well, her next lesson is going to be to share that tree. Don't run the bullies off. Her answer was spot-on for her first bullying experience. "It's everyone's tree, we can play here if we want to." Next time, I'll teach her to add, "So let's all play under the tree together." 


Because It's Everyone's Tree.