The Mending (Follow-up to Brokenhearted and Crushed in Spirit)

Becca Groves, of the super awesome blog, Joyfully Becca: http://www.joyfullybecca.com/ has requested a follow-up the the posting about Ella's less-than-thrilled demeanor over my lunchtime visit to her school. Today is the best day to write said follow-up, so here you go my dear, sweet friends!

Volunteering. In a Kindergarten class. I must be crazy, right? Especially after my lunch experience a few weeks ago that I'm just now recovering from. I think there are no more saintly people than Kindergarten teachers and nurses. Honestly. Hands-down winners in the sainthood category. Teachers of all ages really fall into the category if we are being truthful here. I did my time as a HS English teacher 12 years ago and it was the most awful year (yes, year, singular) of my life.

So how did I approach today's school visit with the wounds of lunch still fresh? Well, we go back a few weeks and my visit with Ella. Yes, I cried when I got home from her lunch that day. Yes, I cried again when we got home after pickup and I asked her why she treated me the way she did at lunch. I couldn't help it... and I think it's good for my kids to see how their words and actions can hurt even grown-ups. So I cry when I'm hurt by them. Call me weak, but call me honest too.

Her response to my question? "I don't know momma, I didn't think my friends wanted you there." (Yup, the same friends who were chatting my ears off throughout lunch.)

 So no, she couldn't give me a good reason why. You know why? Because she doesn't know why she was acting that way. I do. She doesn't handle change well. Not. At. All.
Perfect examples:

A. I have to sit in the exact same spot every time she goes to gymnastics. And stay there. No potty breaks for this momma.

B. At bedtime I must sit on the couch after she is tucked in. The only acceptable alternative is if Dad sits on the couch. Left end, by the coffee table so she can peek out her door and be sure we didn't abandon her and run off to Egypt leaving her home alone to fend for herself and raise her brother alone. Because that's a possibility. (And no, she's never been left home alone. Ever.)

Today.... I told her that if she would prefer not to be in my group when I came to help in her class to let her teacher know. I would be fine with that. (It would be better than the silent treatment anyway.) But she wanted to be in my group and she was an absolute LOVE!!! She raced to sit by me but the chair was taken, so she raced to the other side of the table and that seat got taken. She settled for being one seat away from me and it made me smile. My baby WANTED to sit by me!!!! *insert Happy Dance*

All through the 45 minute activity she was social, friendly, sweet... herself! And when they left she said "goodbye". And I was happy.

Then she came back for a hug.
And that made me want to cry.
Again.