A Bead in the Nose is Worth...

Yeah, you read that right. A Bead in the Nose is Worth...

This past weekend was fairly uneventful after our Halloween party. Chili, cinnamon rolls, lots of friends and about a gazillion and a half trick-or-treaters led us into a relaxing and calm weekend. Until about halftime of the Husker game on Saturday afternoon. 

"How do you get a bead out of your nose?" 
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"How do you get a BEAD out of your NOSE?"
"A BEAD OUT OF YOUR NOSE?" "Is THAT what you are saying?" 
"Uh-huh." "I got it out."
"Oh! So you don't have a bead stuck in your nose?" 
"Yes. I do. I got it out the first time." 
"So you stuck it back in?" "WHY???" 
"I dunno."

Bead. Nose. A Bead in the Nose. A purple one. STUCK.

So we dug out a flashlight and tweezers. But that didn't work. The purple bead was stuck. 
So the discussion of going to urgent care began.
So the hysteria set in. 
"I'm scared!" 

"Are they going to get it out?" 

"How will they get it out?" 

"Am I going to die?"  

"I don't want to have a bead in my nose!" 

"Why can't we go to Dr. Whitcomb?"

"Am I going to die?"

This is the mentality of a kid with a bead stuck in the nose. "I'm going to die." 

Seriously. Death was imminent for this child on Saturday afternoon. 

So I soothed as I drove. Lucky for us, Children's Urgent Care is about 3.5 blocks from our house. This means the drive wasn't as awful as it could have been. Children's Hospital is much farther away. I'm not sure I would have stayed as gentle, soothing, calming, etc for a multiple-mile drive across Omaha on a Saturday afternoon during a Husker game. 

In case you, some day, are faced with this same situation, I'll give you the 4-1-1 on beginning to attempt to remove a foreign object lodged in the right snot-spout. No charge. Gratis. Pro bono. FREE. 

First, the doc is going to ask you to hold your child on your lap, facing you, straddle-style. Then, through the tears of fear you'll be instructed to press the non-blocked nostril with one hand, while covering the child's mouth CPR-style and blow. If that doesn't turn the snot-spout on high, nothing will ya'll. Nothing will. (This would be a useful way to blow your kid's nose if they can't/won't on their own. FYI. My wish for you is that you never find yourself needing to employ this method.) 

In an ideal world, this would expel the little purple bead, sticking it to your cheek. Huzzah! Success!!! 

We don't live in an ideal world. So we tried again. And again. And... again. And my gag-prone kid threatened to throw up in my face each and every time. 

Finally dear ol' doc decided that wasn't going to do the trick. Really? I hadn't figured that out six blows ago. (I think he was enjoying the spectacle. The place was a tomb. Normal parents were watching the game, not taking their kid to Urgent Care for a purple bead. Purple. We aren't K-State fans. Couldn't it have at least been red?) 

Needless to say we have a bead-free nostril and a good understanding of what doesn't go in noses and ears. They removed it artfully with what boils down to being a stick. 

A stick. 

Shoot. 

Nobody died. 

Nobody even missed the 2nd half of the game.

We are missing $60. ($60 so far... the bill has yet to come)