164 Days and Counting

Another calendar into the circular file. Its only been there a handful of days, but I'm still finding myself screaming for summer.

June 20. First day of summer 2016. For reals.

H-O-T. Lazy days on the lake. Swimming, fishing, tubing, kayaking, camping, stand-up-paddleboarding, laying in the sun doing nothing. That's what I told the 7 year-old last night as we snuggled and dreamed of life 164 long days from now. (Today is January 8, adjust accordingly dear reader.)

Laying in the sun doing nothing. Do you want know what my little philosopher said about that? "That's not possible mom. You would be doing something. You would be laying in the sun. It's not possible to do nothing. Ever."

I did not argue. If she wants to tell me I'm "doing something" by laying in the sun, soaking up God's goodness and warmth and nature's beauty well, by gosh, I'm going to go with it. So that's where you'll find us this summer. In the sun. Doing.

Yesterday I was treated to an AM coffee session with a wildly versatile friend. Versatile in that she can be serious and spiritual and honest, but she can take a 1/4 turn and be sassy pants and hilariously inappropriate. I love that about her. We chatted about our church book study. We chatted about the kids and life. Then we chatted about summer. Because, I said it once, I'm screaming for it. She scoffed at the absurdity of my passion as she pointed out the window to the grey, slushy, dreariness that is Nebraska in January. But she didn't stop there, she pointed out the number of months before summer actually hits our front doors. Thanks for that, sassy pants.

This little convo over my iced frappe (yes, I realize that's a summer drink... have you heard a thing I've said so far???) led me to spout nonsense that others were sure to snicker over as they cupped their hot coffee mugs. I made a plan for the summer. Plans for fun and carefree days.



1. We will have a pool in our back yard.
Inflatable? Yes.
Manufacturers Max Capacity of 5? Yes.
Backyard Real Life Capacity of 10? For Sure.
Fun? Hell yes!

2. We will have the slip n' slide & the bounce house out.

3. We will have backyard parties, cookouts and sleepovers.

4. We will go to the "real" pool 1x/week or more.

5. We will hang out in the yard and read books.

6. We will have friends over.

7. We will go camping.




















8. We will build backyard forts.

9. We will...

WE WILL!!! We will do what summer is meant for! This...

And the time frame for all this "doing?" This year we get **Hallelujah** 12.5 weeks. TWELVE AND A HALF weeks of summer vaca!! The school calendar writers must have kids in school this year because we start a full week and a half LATER than usual!!!

You can blame my summer fever on Husband. He gave me a SUP (Stand Up Paddleboard) for Christmas. Christmas, ya'll. December. Five solid months prior to lake weather. Because my birthday is in the middle of July... then I would have missed out on a month and a half of the season. He was thoughtful on this one. Except for the "summer fever" part of the deal. He can't help it. He didn't know.

So, my dear friends, while you are busy sipping hot cocoa, making your New Year's Resolutions, going on a diet and vowing to work out I'll be over here planning my summer.

Only 164 days to go...

Sometimes You Gotta Shine

Today I decided to shine. Shine brighter than a shooting star. Brighter than that girl at church camp. I was going to be the face of joy and happiness. And I did. I was bubbly and bright, sunshine and sparkles. Rainbows and unicorn farts, ya'll. Yup. Unicorn farts.

You see, the last few weeks have left me in a bit of a funk. Here, there, everywhere. Busy, busy, busy. And if you know me, you know how much I adore busy. But sometimes, just sometimes, I have to s-l-o-w i-t d-o-w-n. Yesterday I was cranky and funky and a bit of a gruffly stinker. I didn't care and wanted nothing but a rest. And when I whispered to the hubs, "are we going to make them go to TaeKwonDo tonight?" and he mumbled, "I'm not taking them" I sighed a sigh of extraordinary relief. I was done. Stick-a-fork-in-me kind of done. I did not want to shuttle kids another place. I didn't want to watch through the glass as they did the same kicks and punches and obstacle course they've been doing for 7 months. I wanted to be home and do nothing more than be ordinary, everyday me. And to do it in my jammies. On the living room floor. Or the couch.

But today I could feel the shift when I woke up.
Even though our son had slept on the floor next to our bed again, for the 30th night in a row.
Even though we'd spent the day before with him being pricked and medicated and told to breathe hard and x-rayed...
Even though I know my girlfriend is starting the biggest battle of her life...
Even though I wasn't prepared for this morning's book study at church...
Even though my back and my feet and my wrists still ache like always...
Even though...
I felt it. It was a great day to be alive. It was a great day to be joyous. To be wonderful and happy and fun.

So I did. I enjoyed this day like none other in recent history. I've had good days, sure. I've enjoyed the company of others, most definitely. But today the sun was shining, the bees were buzzing (all around my delightful cream soda, mind you) and everyone seemed to be smiling. I visited a girlfriend and she got a great gift in the mail. She makes me smile anyway, but today she paraded around town in a Wonder Woman costume, making a zillion other people smile.

Despite my slight lack of preparation I threw myself whole-heartedly into this morning's book study at church and I feel like we had another day of incredible discussions. And it seemed, to my overly bright and bubbly self,  that everyone else at church for this morning's study was a little more bubbly and bright today too. The prayer requests were mostly of praise. The conversation was full of zest and vigor. The chatting was incessant. And the happiness was tangible. Real, honest-to-goodness happiness. Joy.

The joy I felt made me want to extend it to others, so I let my kids play on the school playground for a bit before taking them to the park to meet friends and play. For hours. Hours. I had no idea we had managed to dilly-dally away nearly two full hours at the park. Because I was enjoying this day more than any other lately. My heart is bursting today and I can't help but share.

So here's a bit of sunshine for you today. I pray that your day be full of the joy and giddiness that can only come from God. He wakes us each morning with the blessing of a new day. A day to live life fully and awesomely. With the freedom to smile at everyone we meet. To wear a costume around town. To make up words to describe how we feel. To live and love living.

Go into this day with a smile and a heart bursting with love for this life.
It's yours.
Live it.
And live it wildly, crazily, amazingly.

Because sometimes you gotta shine.

A Wrinkled Heart

Ella came home from school this week with a wrinkled heart...

Her heart wasn't hurt or sad or even lonely. It wasn't lost or feeling blue. It wasn't even a little bit damaged that day. There are certainly days where it is, but that day she brought home a wrinkled heart for all of us to see.

What she brought to us that day was a paper heart. A wrinkled paper heart that now hangs on a door in our home where my kids will see it zillions of times a day. A heart that reminds us how tender our real hearts are. A heart that reminds us that our words have the power to wrinkle and crumple.

Not only was her heart wrinkled, but her heart was also torn. A sign of what was to come this weekend. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am for that heart that came home in a backpack. It gave us a place to begin a discussion that was overdue, because a heart in our home was wrinkled and beginning to rip right down the middle...

Cassius: "Ella will be so happy when I go spend the night with Auntie S and Uncle K."
Mom: "Why do you think that? I bet she'll miss you!"
Cassius: "Because she hates me. She always says she hates having a little brother. She hates me... "

If you can't imagine that conversation with a broken-hearted 4 year old, read it again. Read it with pure sadness. With a wrinkled heart. With a heart beginning to rip right down the middle.

"Because she hates me. She always says she hates having a little brother. She hates me. She's not going to miss me, she'll be happy I'm gone."

Oh the wrinkling and tearing that went on in this momma's heart that moment. The wrinkling and tearing that I felt for him. His tiny little heart that loves his sissy. The heart that is excited to see her after school each day. The heart that wants to be sure he gets her a sucker from the grocery store or a sticker from the bank. The heart that makes her pictures and bracelets and thoughtfully picks out her birthday gift months in advance. That little heart was wrinkled, crumpled, stomped on and torn. Right. Down. The. Middle.

When the vice grip on my heart loosened we had a chat and some hugs and loves and reassurances that she does love him and so do daddy and I. That he isn't hated, but loved and cherished and treasured and adored. I smoothed as many of those wrinkles as I could. I got out the tape and patched the tear... but that's not so easy to do.

When his heart was starting to smooth I sent him to the lunch table with daddy and called sissy to her room. I sat on her bed and waited. And I cried. He was hurt and I was hurt. My disappointment and tears of sadness flowed easily but tenderly.

She needed to understand.

She needed to know the damage done.

Her overwhelming feelings of regret were immediately obvious as she listened to me tell her how her brother was feeling. The hurt he shared in three simple words: "she hates me". The sadness he was feeling and the tears that he had cried. The wrinkles she had put in his heart.  The tiny tear that was spreading into a big rip right down the middle.

I reminded her of the wrinkled heart she had brought home from school. The heart that was no longer just a whisper in her ear. A sentiment that wasn't intended just for the classroom but all the hearts she'll ever encounter...

That little girl's heart began to wrinkle right at that moment. The moment she realized. The moment she knew the hurt she'd caused.

The fixing is coming along slowly but surely. This morning in church as Cassius sat on my lap and Ella snuggled up next to me he put his arm around her shoulder and she reached up and held his hand.

There are daily reminders to give love. Because to give love often means you shall get love.

The bathroom door between their rooms bears a wrinkled, crumpled, ripped and tattered reminder of what our words mean to others.

Ella came home from school this week with a wrinkled heart... and it is beautiful.

Hello 1st Grade!

I just sent my daughter off to her first day of 1st grade. I'm really in awe (and a bit of denial) that there aren't a few more weeks of summer left. It seems like we didn't go to the pool or the zoo enough, play in the back yard enough, ride bikes enough, catch fireflies enough or have fire pits enough.

Next summer I vow that we will go to fewer camps, have fewer planned activities and spend more time doing exactly what we feel like doing at that moment. There will be more zoo trips, more backyard sprinkler parties, more pool trips and more firefly catching. More listening to the sounds of summer long after bedtime. More time together just sitting. Just playing. Just enjoying life.

This 1st Grade girl turned seven a few days ago and she's managed somehow to string out her birthday to cover four days and dad sweetly informed her tonight that her last-minute "birthday nachos" are the end. Her birthday is officially over now. To be totally honest I wish she had managed to drag out age six a bit longer but I haven't finished the time machine in the basement yet, so I'll shift gears and look forward to seeing how she grows in her seven-year-old year!

In the meantime, here's her time-capsule from her year as a six-year-old!

In 2014, this was the most coveted of birthday gifts for Ella. She could NOT have survived that birthday without it. In fact, she cried the day she discovered it and we left without it, certain it would sell before someone could buy her one for her birthday.

Batgirl. Enough said.

 

On the first day of Kindergarten 2014 there were some tears as her class headed into the building, but little brother was there with flowers after school to tell her he was proud of her and how much he missed her!

October brought the opportunity to be flower girl for the first time at Aunt Michelle's wedding in Colorado. What does Ella remember most? The giant burrito she wants to go back and eat again! 

There's nothing quite like a dance with daddy! 

These two. Every year. Father-daughter date night to dinner and a dance at the YMCA. Love. 

Captain One-Sock and Captain Butterfly. Don't mess.

Spring music program - April 2015

Our flag girl - keeping the downed tubers safe! 

Captain of grandpa's boat!

Fishing!!!

First trail ride - Blue Bell Stables, Custer State Park, SD

Presidential faces on a mountain. 

Reptile Gardens, SD

Birthday donut from Nana! 

Now here's a story. Remember that gift from last year that she couldn't have survived without? Yeah, it's part of the lineup of stuffties in her room and a new gift was at the top of the list this year. 

This girl wanted her ears pierced. For months. Months of asking. Months of being subtle, yet persistent enough to be taken seriously. Months of waiting patiently for her birthday. We checked out the options weeks ahead of time and I had a game plan for getting these adorable little ears pierced. 

Two at once, ya'll. Two at once. 

Dad asked "why do we have to do them both at the same time?" 

Rookie. 

"Because our daughter will go through life with only one ear pierced if we do them one at a time, dear husband."

So at 5:10 on her birthday we entered the shop to have her Hello Kitty earrings placed in her anxious lobes and an anxious little brain kicked into high gear. She got scared and stressed and wanted to leave, sans spare holes. 

Cassius brought her a variety of wide-eyed stuffties and the promise of a new one if she got it done. It took that stufftie, momma counting to ten in Korean and two sweet and well-trained ladies with "earring guns" to get her those holes, but...

she did it!!!

Then she celebrated with family, dinner out and lemon meringue pie!



Before heading out the door as a 1st grader and a starting a new chapter of life.

God bless you and keep you this school year, Miss Ella.

Love you always,

Mommy